Things you wish you could say during a depo

[Kyung]

Feel free to talk over each all you want, I'm not listening.

I write at 225 wpm, I will drop all words starting at the 226th word and on for those minutes you choose to speak at 300 wpm.

Do you think the room has been struck deaf. We can all hear you whispering really loudly to your client and chances are that counsel can hear you instructing your client and I can hear you. Take it outside if you don't want it on the record.

Why do you think I am a lip reader and can put your objection ion the record if you don't speak up or just raise your hand and mouth the word at me.

It's not funny. Sarcasm doesn't translate well.(to the witnesses)

When you ask me what Exhibit No. 6 is, I probably won't know. My job is to mark the exhibits, not keep track of the content of the exhibit.

The witness knows nothing. Stop it!!!!

Garbage in, garbage out.

For the love of God, please stop making up words.


Feel free to add anything you wish you've said during a depo but have not.

[Kyung]

Today, I thought - Get that damn cough drop out of your mouth and speak up.

Honestly, I'm surprised we don't have more choking incidents during depositions.

[Quyen]

"MUST you shuffle through your papers/turn the page so FREAKIN' loudly?!"

(To the witness): "Here, lemme put these ear buds on you, and then I'm going to cough into the mic twice as each question is asked of you so you know how it feels when you do it to me, mm-kay?"

(To the witness): "OMG, you are sooo full of it!"

"Oh, yes, I have photographic memory, and I also moonlight as a mind reader. Please just say on the record that you are marking an exhibit, don't hand it to me so I can put an exhibit sticker on it. I'll know exactly which exhibit is which, even if you don't verbalize that you're marking them. Oh, and while you're at it, don't bother to staple them. If they get out of order, I'll know exactly which pages belong to which exhibit that I've never even touched."

(To the witness): "If you interrupt just ONE more time, I'm really going to kick you."

"Do -- do -- do you -- do you -- do you have just -- just one -- one complete thought/question/sentence in your head?"

"Don't apologize or try to be nice to me, after the depo, for conducting it at 307.162 wpm all day. It's too late; you've already pissed me off. I'm NOT cleaning you up."

[Janet]

"Just answer the bleeping question!"

"The horse is dead -- get off!"

"You've asked the same question ten times. Do you really think he's going to answer it the way you want if you ask it another 500 times?"

"Do you really think anyone is buyinig this story?"

My favorite one from my court days: "Guilty" (decided during opening statements)

[April McMillan, CRR, RPR, CSR]

Just as long as I think it. I swear one of these days I'm afraid I'm going to say it out loud!!

[Kyung]

Hallelujah. I think every reporter has probably thought move on!!!!

[Kelli Combs (admin)]

"who just cut one?"

LOL!

[April McMillan, CRR, RPR, CSR]

Here's some: For God's sake, move on!

Who just cut one? You know we can smell it, right?

Counsel, was that one martini at lunch, or four?

[Kyung]

Oh, those are good. I once was trapped in a room with no ventilation and the witness had terrible B.O. It was bad!!!

[Shelley Ottwell]

Umm, it's obvious your client is LYING!!

Oh, please, tell me you went to the gym before coming here or do you always smell so bad?

Does your wife/SO not tell you you need to trim your ears!