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I was talking to a videographer yesterday. We've worked together for over a decade and are good friends. We just started talking and he told me he has seen at least ten reporters cry in the middle of a deposition.
I was shocked. I couldn't believe a reporter would do that. I have cried one time that I know of in the last ten years; it was a German scientist with a broken accent and I struggled all day. I went into the bathroom once and had a "pitty party" for myself. I never did it in the conference room in front of anyone.
Don't get me wrong, there has been many times where I felt overwhelmed with an accent along with the terminology. I've always been able to keep it together and be professional and just deal with it except that one time I went to the bathroom.
I was just a bit surprised that these reporters don't have the wherewithall to know to take it privately if you can't keep it together. Very unprofessional.
I'm not talking about sad events on jobs and you cry because it is "sad." That can happen to any of us. I'm talking about the terminology being too difficult and crying.
Anyone want to weigh in on this issue?
I've cried in depos for non-emotional reasons twice. Once was when an attorney went ballistic on me for not going off the record when he wanted. He was screaming at me and even the videographer had to step in. The other time was because I got to the job and realized I'd left my machine at home. The attorney was a really good friend, so it was totally okay. LOL
As for us being made of stone on the job -- to that I say, NO WAY. I laugh with everyone, cry with everyone, whatever. I'm human, I'm going to be human, and never will I stop unless I'm dead. Never once did I get a complaint; only compliments. There's too much emphasis put on us remaining emotionless. It puts people off. When I was an official, my judge and I would cry together in proceedings. Of course, working in children in need of care will do that.
You just brought to life nightmares I've had where I don't have my machine and I try to take it down in handwriting!!!
Well, in general, men yell and women cry. Still not a good idea, but every situation is different.
Back many years ago, I was an official in divorce court. The judge who hired me lost the election, and I was able to convince the newly elected judge to keep me on. Bad move on my part. This judge put EVERYTHING on the record, including ex parte hearings that had absolutely no need to be put on the record. It's stuff where both sides have agreed, and just one of the attorneys is coming before the judge to have him sign off on it. It was ridiculous.
Anyway, we would start at 8:30 or so. Many days, I would get a 15-minute lunch break. Other breaks were rare and would be no more than five minutes. We would work until all hours of the night. It was day after day. I was so stressed, my hair was falling out at the age of 25. There were times I would be sitting in court in so much pain from writing for so many hours, I would have tears rolling down my face as I looked at the floor, hoping no one saw. One night, about 11:30, the judge decided, gee, it's time to take a short break. As I walked out the courtroom door, tears just flowed down my face. He ended up seeing me and had the nerve to ask what was wrong. He told me to go on home, AS LONG AS I WENT TO THE ER TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME. Seriously, WTF? He said they were going to continue and just record the rest. At that point, I couldn't care less if they recorded the thing.
So I left and, as instructed, went to the ER. Well, guess what the ER thinks when you go in and explain what happened? They apparently thought I was looking to get some good drugs. I was only there because I needed a paper from the doc proving I had gone. So what does the ER diagnose when they have nothing better? They said I had a virus. Really? LMAO
Anyway, I managed to work for him for a few months, and then I found out I was pregnant. After he found out, he called me into his office and had an order typed up that he was going to have filed in the clerk's office, which would make it public record. In that order, he had put down that he was asking me to resign because I was pregnant, unmarried, and it "didn't look good." I was so pissed, again I started crying. I mean, seriously? He was going to schedule a hearing for me to show cause why I shouldn't be fire. And guess who the judge was going to be? HIM. I told him I wasn't resigning, and I went straight across the street to an attorney's office and told him the story. He told me to go back and get a copy of the order that was filed, which I did. But, miraculously, the judge took out ALL the wording about him asking me to resign about being pregnant and put some other crap in there. I was going to sue him and the county, but I had no money. I also realized that all I'd end up with was my job back, still working for him. In fact, after I left, it was well over a year of other people filling in before he got anyone to take the job working for him because he was such an ass. Needless to say, when the next election came up, no one was happier to see him lose than I was.
So, yeah, I've cried at work. In this circumstance, I'm not ashamed of it at all. Yes, it's hard to hear some of the things we do -- and especially hard to see father's crying on the stand in those cases where something happened to the child during birth -- but I'm more inclined to cry when I'm pissed off and totally pushed to the limit of what I can physically handle. Though, with time and experience, it takes a lot longer for me to get to that level. It's been a long time since I've even cried once I got to the car.
My tendency is to get angry.
Wow, Rhonda, that's quite a story. I would have been in tears too. Working till 11:30 p.m.? Are you kidding me? Sounds like he did you a huge favor in hindsight.
In hindsight, you are correct. Further in hindsight, I wish I had sued him for everything he had. Or, in the least, made the county pay for my COBRA payments I had to pay to keep insurance through my pregnancy. That cost me out the wazoo. If I had kept working for him, I wonder if I would have even carried to full term. Probably not.
Funny thing, he prided himself in being a fine Christian man. That's not how Christians act, IMO. Well, at least not how they should act if they are trying to set a good example. And after I had Cassidy and would be in the courthouse to see someone else, he'd have the nerve to ask me how she was doing. WTF? If he gave a crap about that, he wouldn't have left her mommy unemployed with no insurance, especially considering I got carpel tunnel the last month and couldn't work at all. Twas a tough time in my life.
Rhonda, given that journey, I'm sure you appreciate your job every day. It's just an awful awful awful position to be in. Sounds like his opinion of him being a fine Christian man. I get nervous when someone has to tell me such things about themselves. I always think to myself oh, so it won't be evident and obvious.
The only time I feel like crying is when I'm tired and hungry and there's no end in sight. I worked in criminal court for several years and heard every gut-wrenching testimonial you can imagine and never shed a tear even when everyone else is turning on the waterworks. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, but I guess I was just good at being in the zone.
When I first started reporting, I reported a lot of the Plaintiffs' depositions in the Dalkon Shield litigation (IUDs), and there was a point in every depo where they said: And how has this affected your life? Invariably, that question led to a huge sob, and some of the stories were heartbreaking. At that point I taught myself a little trick to keep from crying. I think of the most disgusting thing I can possibly think of (won't say what that is here -- it's truly disgusting). To this day, anything that has the potential to make me cry is wiped out by my disgusting ammunition. Not pretty, but nobody knows about it but me (and now you!) and it works like a charm.
Oh, that is sad, Debbie. I know two women who became sterile from the Dalkon Shield.
I will try your trick. LOL
I've been okay in depos, but I've cried a couple of times doing CART. Not sitting there weeping or anything, but a couple of drops fell on my machine.