13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher (is a YA book....)

[Rhoda Collins]

To explain why I excitedly read this in the last two days...my niece and nephew are going through some really, really hard times right now. Their mom traded the son with my brother (father) for the vehicle. My brother gets custody of the son, the mother wants the daughter. They have not ever married but have been together for over 14 years. He's been sober for over a year and she's been on a binge drinking spree for the past month. He's staying sober, and I don't know how! But I am so proud of him and never, never thought I would ever say that! I have never talked to him so much in my life and never thought I would! He's taking to my mom also, which is very cool.

The mother is dragging the niece everywhere and she's letting her be out at four a.m. and all this crazy stuff. My brother has custody working on for the niece but not sure how long it will take. I am trying to find some books, novel type, that she might read and "get" something from during all of this. She was reading Twilight, so I know she likes to read, LOL.

This book was actully very good! I could not put it down! But just not sure it is one to pass to my niece. She may see suicide as "cool" or something the way the book is so far. . . For attention and such.

Anyone have anything else to pass on to me to pre-read? Thanks

I thought, for teens, it was very good. I still like Nineteen Minutes better, but I think that is written more for 'adults'. ;)

Except I am really not thinking to give it to my niece as she may 'pick up' the idea of suicide?? For someone 'down' like Hannah was, I don't really see this book as 'stopping' them from that decision. Especially if they are 'evasive' as she was when talking/reaching out.

Yeah, I realize that people thinking about it really don't come right out and say it...well, I would think the majority...But Hannah stopped short when there was someone 'there' for her.

Which, I could relate to a lot of her thoughts from when I was in HS...25yrs ago. I had brought up my child sex abuse to my two best friends, just a brief mention, and they just looked at me and said not to worry about it and the topic was dropped. But I never saw our school 'counselor' as a 'counselor either, lol. they were just to discuss what college you were thinking about. I think they do more now.

I didn't see it as redundant. Another person on a differet forum considered it redundant. For a person in that 'state' aren't they redundant; reaching out in small ways; showing 'signs'? And if the book is 'redundant' it may bring that up to other kids to 'see' something in another kid.

Isn't the Bible 'redundant' about love? LOL. NOT comparing the two, just that redundancy can 'implant' the ideas better, hopefully?? I thought A Prayer for Owen Meany was WAY more redundant than this book. I could never get into that book nor finish it...(well, I skimmed it and did read the last few pages, lol.) and I loved World According to Garp and Hotel New Hampshire.

I thought this was well done for teens who are looking to possibly 'notice' signs. I don't know if I could say teens looking for help to not do suicide tho...that scares me, in a sense, as I could see it 'helping' someone to do it.

(Debi, I tried to put more thought into this description...I don't think I did too bad!)

[dms]

Hi Rhonda:

I thought you did fine. I don't know this book, and it doesn't sound like something I'd choose to read, but my 18-year-old daughter is as voracious a reader as her mother (gee, I wonder why? : ) She reads a lot of this stuff.

Today she just started her very first job and is offically at work right now (I can't believe I get to say that about my own daughter. Yay!) She's working in a neurologist's office as a filing clerk/assistant. She just flounced out of here in her "scrubs." I got all choked up just looking at her! : )

Yesterday, we got the letter that she'd finally been accepted at her college of choice (it took two tries). I had a brief conversation with her today about maturity and the stages through which a person passes on the way from childhood to adulthood and so forth. I asked her if she could recall anything specific which had helped guide her in the direction she's going today. She gave me a "duh" look and just said, "It was time for me to grow up, Mom."

Now, you have to understand, my daughter hasn't had the easiest of childhoods. Her father left when she was four. He's a decent man who has always done his best by both me and his daughter, but he's also extremely f'd up in the mental department. In and out of hospitals, many suicide attempts, drugs, the works. He's in a pretty good place these days, but there have been times...

So, anyway, it's always just been me and my daughter. Her progression through childhood was very rocky. Thank God I always worked from home; I could always be there for her when it really mattered. I went to all the concerts, field trips, trips to Washington, DC, and went through the baseball/basketball/soccer/ballet lesson routine. I was the leader of her Girl Scout troop for six years. I was a "lunch mom" at her school, choreographed a musical number one year at their annual Christmas show, co-directed the 6th grade play, and basically helped out anywhere they needed me all through her grade school years. Never mind that there were weeks where I lived on two hours' sleep a night; it all worked out in the end.

The bottom line of what I'm taking so long to say is that my daughter was not an easy child. She definitely had her problems. I used to call her my "high maintenance" child. To look at her today, I'm just awed by her. She's smart, funny, pretty, witty, outgoing, friendly, compassionate, helpful, mature, responsible, thoughtful ... all the things you hope your kids will be when they're born. She knows what she wants out of life (at least in the short term, she's still a little hazier on the long term, and why not, she's only 18) and she's intent on doing what it takes to get where she needs to be to achieve her goals. She's realisitic about her limitations, but she's not passive, she's not a victim.

I will ask her for some reading recommendations for your niece; I have a sneaking suspicion she's going to come up with a list that will keep your niece in books for years to come.

I once asked my daughter why she enjoyed reading so much, this at a time when she was permanently in a depressed state and forever talking about life not being worth living and so on. She said, "I love books because I get to get away from my own life. I get to see that my problems aren't as bad as I think they are. I get to see that things could be a lot worse. I get to laugh and cry about somebody else's life. And maybe I learn something about how to make my life better."

I can't add anything to that!

Debi

[Rhoda Collins]

Oh, Debi,
I have tears here! What a wonderful daughter! She also had a Wonderful Mom! {{HUGS}} Thank you for sharing that with me. I would love a list!

The only concern is my niece does not have you as her mom...her mom is not wanting to 'improve' herself/etc. So the role model is a little shakey, to say the least. My brother is not 'perfect' either, but gosh I cannot say HOW PROUD I am of him!! I honestly NEVER thought I would see the day he would 'be' like he is right now! :) I keep telling him it is NOT too late for my niece, she just needs his support/conversation/etc. I am encouraging him to do counseling with him and the niece so he can 'show' her he wants to learn to communicate better with her. My Bro is NOT the best 'girl' talker, lol. He talks 'at' you not 'with' you, KWIM?

I like your last lines about your DD and books. Just this book seemed to make Hannah a 'hero' of sorts for doing it. I have been thinking about the story all day, and that is what I have come up with. It is not really 'discouraging' suicide. It is showing how others 'learned' from it and can become better people and reach out more. Kind of heroic....

Again, thank you for sharing! My son is 23 and he started talking more after graduation, lol. "I asked her if she could recall anything specific which had helped guide her in the direction she's going today. She gave me a "duh" look and just said, "It was time for me to grow up, Mom."" I had asked my DS the same when he was graduating, as I had my daughter April of 2002...he graduated June 2002, lol. I wanted to 'know' what I did wrong/right that I should improve on with DD. He said I was fine, lol. That was nice to hear. But that same 'look' is what he also gave me.

Rho

[dms]

Hi Rhonda:

My daughter says tell you niece to read the Wind on Fire trilogy by William Nicholson. She read them when she was a freshman in high school and says they are, hands down, the best books she has ever read. She says she's read them at least five times and if she knew where they were right know in that cesspit of a bedroom of hers, she'd read them again. She's trying to fight her way through Watership Down right now and having a tough time of it -- I just gave her The Tripods trilogy from my collection because I think she'll enjoy it and when she was talking about Wind on Fire, it made me think of Tripods.

She did also, ahem, mention the dreaded HP. [cough, cough]

I asked her if she had any suggestions to bring a teenager out of a depressive state or help her cope with a less-than-perfect parental situation and she reiterated that part of the reason she loved Wind on Fire so much was because they were absolutely riveting and allowed her to completely escape her "horrible life" at the time. She said she read all three books in about three weeks because she simply could not put them down.

She was in a hurry to go out to dinner with friends, so we didn't have much time to talk about other books, but she said she'd think about it and get back to me with more for your niece.

HTH,

D

P.S. Your niece has more of a role model than you or she might think. The fact that your brother is getting his life together, whether he talks about it or not, is a great example for her to see. Trust me, that old adage about actions speaking louder than words still holds true.